Some Sunday Silliness

Take a guess at how much that stormtrooper action figure you're now holding is worth.

Um, five bucks?

Ha! No, my collectors guide values it at $18.20. It's from the early 80s.

Aren't you from the early 80s?

I am, you brat. Now guess how much that same action figure was worth before you removed it from its original packaging.

$18.20?

No, my dear, $129.50.

That's crazy! What kind of nerd would pay that much money for a little doll?

It's an 'action figure'. And there are a lot of wealthy nerds out there with nostalgia for their youth.

Were you ever going to sell it?

No, of course not.

Well then how is the market value relevant?

Because it...that's not the point. You still devalued it.

Fine, I'm sorry I devalued your dolly.

'Action figure'! And you surely will be sorry. I'm going to have to think about how to best punish you.

I have a feeling I'm getting a spanking.

Of course, my love, but it has to be a fitting punishment.

You're not going to spank me with your plastic lightsaber again, are you?

Tempting, but no, I don't want to put more dents in it.

Is there any way I can make it up to you without getting my bum spanked? How about if I call you 'Han Solo' again while we're making love?

Hmm, don't think so.

'Emperor Palpatine'?

Mmmm, Dark Side sex...tempting, but no, you need to be punished.

You could make me sit through the original trilogy again.

But that wouldn't be...you're just bratting now. Maybe, though, I will make you sit through them, on a very sore butt that is.

What if I put my hair in those cinnabun things?

Nah, not worth it. But I do wish I had a stormtrooper costume. That would make the spanking fit the crime beautifully.

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Now you're being mean, and only increasing your punishment.

No, I'm not. Mean would be if I said that when you took your skivvies off.

Let's not go there. You're in enough trouble as it is.

Oh, just spank me and get it over with, fly boy.

As you wish. I tell you what, I'm going to spank you with the overture playing...

It could be worse...

...with the bathbrush.

Oh, come on!

Ready?

Put that thing away!

Here we go...dah dah dah Daaaah...

Ooh! Please... Ah!

Hopefully this will teach you not to touch my collectors' items.

Aahh! Grrrr. The more you tighten your grip, the more dollies will slip through your fingers--Ow!

Keep it up, missy. Your ass is going to be as sore as a Tusken Raider's after a long day of Bantha riding.

Ouch! No way, your powers are weak, old man.

I'm 29.

Aiee! Still, you don't have the endurance to swing that brush for long.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Owweee!

You are such a brat! I bet that brat Leia is your favorite character.

Aah, ow! Nuh uh, my fave is Jar Jar Binks. Oww!

You better stop being so fresh, else that trooper will storm Uranus.

Only you could be so bold. Aahh!

Your ass is getting as red as the planet Yavin.

Oh, mmm, I'm sorry I took your 'action figure' out of its packaging.

Good, I hope you learned your lesson. But you're grounded for the rest of the week.

Aww, but I was going out to pick up some power converters...

Worst... Ouch! line... Aaah! ever! Owwwww!

Have you had enough?  You know what I want to hear from you.
Oh, don't make me say it.  It's so stupid--Ouch!
I grow tired of your resistance.  Tell me what I want to hear.
Fine... Dantooine.
You see, I knew you could be reasonable.  Now, do you have anything else to say for yourself?

Well, there is one thing...

What's that?

While you have the bathbrush out and all, we should talk about what I may have done with your Indiana Jones collection...


Image courtesy of Tush.